The episode where nothing happens

The crop of designers for this season of Project Runway doesn't look particularly promising. Of all of them -- Hanz, Randy, Russell, Santi, Pau, Jas, Meanne, Tracy, Cherry, Manny, Richie and Patrick -- it is only Hanz, Santi, Patrick, and Manny who show any sign of promise. Good thing that there is enough drama to keep the season mildly interesting.

And now in this second episode, they don't even have that drama -- fabricated or otherwise -- to move the show forward. Nothing of note happens in this episode. Nothing. Things are not looking good.

This week's challenge is to make a collection of three outfits inspired by a movie. The twelve are grouped into groups of three. Hanz, Manny, and Randy, who all look like transplanted promdis with nary a clue in the world, form the "Titanic" group; Cherry, Pau, and Tracy, aka "The Axis of Fugly", pick "Chicago" as their movie; Santi, Meanne, and Richie pick "Dreamgirls"; while Jas, Patrick, and Russel pick LOTR. Anyone who knows me knows where my bias lies.

As dictated by Project Runway tradition, the first quarter of the show is dedicated to the designers meandering around the fabric store of choice looking for the materials needed for their designs. This stuff is usually glossed over, because frankly, picking out a fabric is not that fun.

Rather than doing the same, we are treated to the designers signing the praises of this season's fabric store of choice. "I love so-and-so store because their fabrics are so great!" "The salespeople are really helpful!" and so on and so forth. This goes on for what seems like forever and I end up sleeping through it like hobbits at an ent moot.

When the designers finally make their way back to SoFA...nothing happens. Yeah, yeah, they start working on their outfits, but this is usually the time in the competition when the fabric starts to fly and the queens start snapping their fingers like so.

Instead what we get is Manny the Manly Straight Man crying over the phone to his pregnant wife and Ugly Tracy nee Betty having a breakdown because she's having a hard time finishing her dress. Nobody really cares because they're ugly and they're straight, and since when have ugly straight people been given airtime on Project Runway? Not counting the fatty episodes?

Pau channels the thoughts of the audience as he performs eye roll after eye roll at Tracy. Passive-aggressive verbal barbs are also thrown around, and Pau has apparently gotten it into his head that he is going to be the next Wendy Pepper. Poor gay Pau.

Runway day finally arrives, saving us from slipping into catatonia because of that epic borefest. The judging panel has more intrigue that this year's designers. What happened to Apples' second surname? Why is Teresa Herrera always so beautiful? Why is the mic for the guest judge always turned off?

ANYWAY. The designs go down the runway. The "Titanic" team is safe. The judges say their piece. The "Lord of the Rings" team wins the challenge, and Pau is sent home. That's how exciting it was.

The only notable part was how Teresa bid farewell to Pau: "Pau, you have the lowest score. Get the fuck out and sit the fuck down, bitch." Ok, so she didn't really say that, but she should have. And she should have told that to this episode as well.