For most of the past two years, I've really just been scrimping and saving and taking on any jobs that I could just to keep my head above water. It's got its particular stresses, to be sure, but I do appreciate that I've mostly been able to do what I want when I want to do it.
But that hasn't stopped me from sending out job applications every now and then, mostly resulting in rejections that did sting a little but I also welcomed, in a way? Since I still get to work on my own time without having to answer to anybody. The other job that I got accepted for is pretty lax about the rules so it's not like a regular job either. It's a ~cool job~.
But now there's another opportunity and I don't know if I really want to get it. I've applied to it, yes, but I've got so many conflicting emotions. Inadequacy, for one, since the string of rejections I've received over the past two years has really given my self-esteem a beating. And there's also the fact that I may not actually want this job at all.
I mean, just thinking of the whole rigamarole involved in starting out in a new job is giving me a headache. All the paperwork that has to be filled in and the possibility of being seen by this particular government is something I'm looking forward to. But let's see what happens. After all, I have to get accepted for the job first.
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