Is this what you call it?

 

It's still schadenfreude when you revel in other people being revealed to be hypocrites, right? Because over the past few weeks I've really been delighted by a number of people being revealed as...less than savory characters. And these people have often been very noisy about how ~upright~ they are as citizens of the world.

True, the reasons of their fall from grace involved a lot of people getting hurt and maybe I should empathize with the victims instead of enjoying the misery of the assholes but...that's a character flow of mine that I should contend with. Maybe when the pandemic is over.

Why am I old why am I fat

 

Well, I know precisely why I'm old and fat hahahuhu ~emotional crisis~. But the past week has really emphasized the old part because goddamn my back hurts. It's not just the lower back at this point either. It's just full-on back pain that will probably result in me with a hunched back.

Me irl

I always used to laugh at how older people would be all "Get off my lawn!" at young people but now that I am that old person who can blame them? Their body hurts everywhere and kids carousing on your lawn really isn't something you want to have to deal with on top of everything else.

Rejoining the rat race?

 

For most of the past two years, I've really just been scrimping and saving and taking on any jobs that I could just to keep my head above water. It's got its particular stresses, to be sure, but I do appreciate that I've mostly been able to do what I want when I want to do it.

But that hasn't stopped me from sending out job applications every now and then, mostly resulting in rejections that did sting a little but I also welcomed, in a way? Since I still get to work on my own time without having to answer to anybody. The other job that I got accepted for is pretty lax about the rules so it's not like a regular job either. It's a ~cool job~.

It's been 84 years...

 No, actually it's been less than that. Just a decade and five months since I last updated this. I think there were more updates on my Livejournal -- which I will not be linking here -- but who's really counting? Or reading?

That's the better question, really. Who's reading and why bother starting this up again when everybody else is on a different social media site blaring their own horns and basically being their own newspaper/message board/radio station/television station?

The fact that no one's going to be reading is PRECISELY why I'm restarting this thing again. Just making this a space where I can vomit out my thoughts without having to worry about what anybody else thinks. And I'm doing it online rather than in a notebook because I've got no artistic skill and can't do those fancy bullet journal things that always get a billion Instagram likes.

Why they don't call me anal boy

One of my resolutions over the New Year was to keep track of my finances, seeing as I want to get a place of my own. And one of the things I've found after a couple of weeks of doing this is that I would make a horrible accountant.

After the first week, I found out that I was missing P24. Of course I was worried. If I can't keep track of small amounts, how the hell am I expected to handle house finances? The following week I kept receipts and listed down everything -- and I end up with an excess of P631. I was so surprised and worried about my inability to keep things in check that I forget to be happy that I have more money than I thought I had.

It really is becoming clear to me why I failed Math.

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Since I am a man of the gay persuasion, anal sex is something I am familiar with. Or at least something I hope to be personally familiar with. In the meantime, I will look at studies that say women who have anal sex get more orgasms.

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And just so I don't look too much like a whore, I decided to put this up at the end of the post: Check out my book blog!

A long way down

Before anything else -- I did it! I went out there and started a book blog. You can check it out over here. It's pretty sparse at the moment, but I have quite a few entries planned and a thing that I hope people will enjoy.

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Last week, I posted on my Facebook Wall the agonizing last words of programmer Bill Zeller. It's a suicide note written by Zeller, wherein he recounts being sexually-abused as a child and the damage it has inflicted upon him for the rest of his life.

It's a well-written farewell note, and I particularly related to this part the most:

I've told different people a lot of things, but I've never told anyone about what happened to me, ever, for obvious reasons...It feels incredibly lonely to realize you can never share something with someone and have it be between just the two of you. I don't blame anyone in particular, I guess it's just how people are. Even if I felt like this is something I could have shared, I have no interest in being part of a friendship or relationship where the other person views me as the damaged and contaminated person that I am.

I've had my share of childhood trauma, and trust me when I say that it isn't being forced to sing in front of a group of visiting relatives. What I've found out from the five times (yes, I've only told it that many times) I've shared this trauma is that...it only results to more trauma.

The first time I told it was to friends I had when I was a kid. That...ended up badly. Let's leave it at that.

The second time I told it was to a classmate in freshman year, who then insisted that I tell it to our other friends. Other friends then went on to be...not receptive, to put it mildly. That sure taught me to shut my piehole.

The fourth time I told it was in junior year, when I was in a particularly vulnerable situation and was quite frankly overwhelmed by the presence of a guy that I liked. I felt that I was around people I could trust and who would sympathize with me. While I wasn't mocked, I didn't exactly get any sympathy either. More like an apathetic shrug.

The fifth and final time I told it to someone face to face, I was told that I was just using it as an excuse. That stung. On the bright side, the person was extremely apologetic afterwards, and I've learned to dismiss it as just the product of us being stupid kids.

But I did tell myself, never again. Evidently, trusting people with that kind of pain will really just get you a whole bag of nothing in return.

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To continue with this delightfully morbid note, check out this depressing item from Valleywag: Facebook suicide note gets mocked, turns out to be real.

Books and a boy

Question for everyone: Should I start a book blog? An honest to goodness one, without any random entries about The Pee Lady or The Condom Shunner.

Also, should I do it on Livejournal? A lot of my friends who are also book bloggers seem to prefer Wordpress. Any other blogging platforms you guys think I should try out? Or is this whole idea of putting up a book blog a bad and misguided one?

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While that book blog is up in the air, let me tell you about this book i just finished reading: "Halo" by Alexandra Adornetto.

This is the fourth novel for the 18-year-old author, and is being branded as "Twilight with angels". The story is about an angel who falls in love with a mortal and the challenges they face. The epigraph is from Romeo and Juliet and Beyonce. Yes. Beyonce. Beyonce. BEYONCE.

The book starts out well enough. Adornetto isn't bad with description, and the way she depicts her heroine, Bethany Church, as being overwhelmed by the sights and sounds of the human world after coming from the all white Kingdom of Heaven is done quite well.

Of course, all good things come to an end. The only problem with "Halo" is that the good times end less than a hundred pages into a 400+ page book. OHMYGOD.

With Bethany being an angel, you'd think that for once, we'd have an actual female lead in a YA supernatural romance with a backbone and who kicks ass. A heroine who takes control and schools the man for a change. But what we get is even more insipid teenage girl whining that everybody else has already lived through in the 10 million similar books that have come out in this genre.

It's hard to sympathize with Bethany as she is often portrayed to be overly naïve and constantly swayed by the other characters that surround her. For someone armed with the sum of all human knowledge, Bethany comes off as being no better than the mortals she is supposed to protect.

All the characters are flat and the world-building is crap. There is no dramatic tension or compelling plot for about 300+ pages and when the complication does arrive it is absolutely worthless and disposed off in the schmaltziest way possible that I kind of want to vomit poop.

Everyone knows about my problems with "Twilight". I have a lot of those. But it is absolutely depressing to me to find books that ARE EVEN MORE HORRIBLE. To haphazardly quote , "'Twilight' may have had lots of bullshit, but that bullshit struck a nerve." The sort of bullshit that you are fed in "Halo" isn't just unappealing, it is uninteresting as well.

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And since we're on the subject of bad books anyway, Snooki from Jersey Shore is now a published author!

It's been getting a lot of press (duh), with Jezebel dissecting a date rape scene and Slate interviewing Snooki's "collaborator".

My favorite tidbit about this book so far? That these lines were actually committed to paper: "Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

Wonders never cease.

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Finally, you all know I have a James Franco obsession.

So don't be surprised if I direct you guys to an interview where James Franco says "Maybe I'm just gay."